Cody Brunig advises how to talk to your children about uncomfortable situations they may encounter on their phones.
On this week’s episode of Dateline: True Crime Weekly, Andrea Canning looks into an epidemic that is affecting kids at younger and younger ages: sexting.
Research published in JAMA Pediatrics shows 1 in 7 teens has sent a sext, and 1 in 4 has received one.
And what kids might not know is that in some states what they are doing could actually be a crime.
Former cyber security detective Cody Brunig shares advice for how to help your children navigate the uncomfortable situations they may encounter on their phones.
Plus, read a transcript of their exchange below:
Andrea Canning: Cody, thanks for joining us again.
Cody Brunig: Absolutely. Thanks for having me.
Canning: How serious is this sexting problem in schools?
Brunig: Unfortunately, it’s, uh, it’s more serious than I think any of us realize. Um, it’s very commonplace, and it’s important to have a conversation with your child about anything dealing with sexting or sending photographs. And the way that I’ve started out those conversations is just that, “Hey, son, I want to have a conversation that’s going to make both of us feel a little bit uncomfortable. It’s not an accusatory conversation. It’s not an upset conversation. It’s merely for me to educate you and, at the same time, for you, as a child, to educate me on what you’re experiencing in the world.”
Canning: I have teenage daughters. I’m — I’m right on the verge of having that conversation. I haven’t had it yet because of their ages. What age is the right age for this?
Brunig: To be quite honest, in the field that I work in now, it’s becoming more and more common earlier. I’m seeing it happen in elementary schools, and that might blow you away.
Canning: It does.
Brunig: But reality is — is there’s kindergartners going to school with phones. And a child at that age doesn’t understand what they’re doing on technology. So, the earlier you can teach them safe principles of how to use technology and at least try to get them to grasp what’s wrong — the better it is when they grow up. Something I like to talk to students about is, it’s very hard to say no, unless you’ve taught yourself how to say no. We can’t expect them to say no unless we’ve programmed and taught them how to say no.
Canning: So, how do you ingrain that in them — just because somebody’s asking you for a photo does not mean you have to do it.
Brunig: By having common, frequent conversations with your child. That is the best defense against this that you can possibly have.
Canning: And also, there could be legal consequences to this. If you’re dealing with nudity in these photos and underage teenagers — that’s a problem.
Brunig: It’s a very real problem. So, every jurisdiction, for the most part, has some sort of law against sexting, or they have a law on what is classified as child pornography. And child pornography is essentially photographs of anyone under the age of 18 in a sexual nature.
Canning: And what do you do if the photo is out there and the genie’s out of the bottle?
Brunig: If it really is a very serious photograph, you want to immediately notify potential parties that might be involved and ensure that that didn’t go anywhere else. And if you have to get law enforcement or you have to get the school systems involved, you need to take that step.
Canning: All right. Well, I — I can honestly tell you after this conversation, I think it’s time to talk to my two older daughters, Cody. So thank you. This is a tough, tough situation that parents just should not shy away from in this day and age.
Brunig: Absolutely. Thank you for having me.
Andrea Canning: Cody, thanks for joining us again.
Cody Brunig: Absolutely. Thanks for having me.
Canning: How serious is this sexting problem in schools?
Brunig: Unfortunately, it’s, uh, it’s more serious than I think any of us realize. Um, it’s very commonplace, and it’s important to have a conversation with your child about anything dealing with sexting or sending photographs. And the way that I’ve started out those conversations is just that, “Hey, son, I want to have a conversation that’s going to make both of us feel a little bit uncomfortable. It’s not an accusatory conversation. It’s not an upset conversation. It’s merely for me to educate you and, at the same time, for you, as a child, to educate me on what you’re experiencing in the world.”
Canning: I have teenage daughters. I’m — I’m right on the verge of having that conversation. I haven’t had it yet because of their ages. What age is the right age for this?
Brunig: To be quite honest, in the field that I work in now, it’s becoming more and more common earlier. I’m seeing it happen in elementary schools, and that might blow you away.
Canning: It does.
Brunig: But reality is — is there’s kindergartners going to school with phones. And a child at that age doesn’t understand what they’re doing on technology. So, the earlier you can teach them safe principles of how to use technology and at least try to get them to grasp what’s wrong — the better it is when they grow up. Something I like to talk to students about is, it’s very hard to say no, unless you’ve taught yourself how to say no. We can’t expect them to say no unless we’ve programmed and taught them how to say no.
Canning: So, how do you ingrain that in them — just because somebody’s asking you for a photo does not mean you have to do it.
Brunig: By having common, frequent conversations with your child. That is the best defense against this that you can possibly have.
Canning: And also, there could be legal consequences to this. If you’re dealing with nudity in these photos and underage teenagers — that’s a problem.
Brunig: It’s a very real problem. So, every jurisdiction, for the most part, has some sort of law against sexting, or they have a law on what is classified as child pornography. And child pornography is essentially photographs of anyone under the age of 18 in a sexual nature.
Canning: And what do you do if the photo is out there and the genie’s out of the bottle?
Brunig: If it really is a very serious photograph, you want to immediately notify potential parties that might be involved and ensure that that didn’t go anywhere else. And if you have to get law enforcement or you have to get the school systems involved, you need to take that step.
Canning: All right. Well, I — I can honestly tell you after this conversation, I think it’s time to talk to my two older daughters, Cody. So thank you. This is a tough, tough situation that parents just should not shy away from in this day and age.
Brunig: Absolutely. Thank you for having me.